R.I.P. Tony Scott

Sunday nights are usually a high point of the week for me -- friends, drinks, and bar trivia (more often than not a victory). Not so this past Sunday. We had just wrapped up a second place finish when I found out that director Tony Scott had killed himself. Any sense of revelry immediately fled. I leaned back in my chair and let out a heavy sigh. What the fuck.

For those who don't know, Tony Scott was an action movie director. Wait, that's not exactly right -- Tony Scott was *the* action movie director. Simply put, the modern action movie -- love it or hate it -- is what it is because of Tony Scott. Scott's combination of slick, stylized visuals, frenetic camerawork/editing, and elegant action choreography set the template later followed by myriad directors, including Michael Bay, Guy Ritchie, and Oscar winners Quentin Tarantino and Kathryn Bigelow. His fingerprints, while not on any Oscar statues (unless it's an honorary one down the line) are nevertheless on billions of dollars worldwide since he first splashed onto the scene with Top Gun (the best bad movie of all time) in 1986.

But enough of the history lesson. I'm not writing this because he influenced some of my favorite directors, or made billions of dollars, or was indirectly responsible for Kenny Loggins's "Danger Zone," a timeless ballad and metaphor for the fragility of human existence. While most of that may be true, I'm writing this because I felt -- and still feel -- a personal connection to some of his movies. He's just an action movie director, I know -- Beverly Hills Cop 2 isn't exactly Schindler's List. But just like certain moments in your life have a soundtrack, some have video cues. And Tony Scott's movies are playing on the walls of my neural networks.

One of the first non-kid's movies I have distinct memories of is Top Gun. I couldn't have been more than 4 or 5, but I definitely remember my parents watching it on VHS at our shitty place on Windsong Dr. in Sedona, AZ. ("Danger Zone" is almost definitely responsible for me remembering this -- see? Timeless.) This leads me to wonder if my mom was a Tony Scott fan, because I remember watching The Last Boy Scout and The Fan for the first time at her place after my parents split up. She was the "cool mom" of divorce story clichés, the one who let us watch rated-R movies. It's very likely I wouldn't be the cinephile I am today if I were only restricted to the PG-13-and-under fare my dad allowed. So, uh, thanks, Mom (and Tony).

But far and away the movie that gets the most synapses firing for me is Man on Fire (probably his best film, right up there with True Romance). I first saw Man on Fire a few hours after my first girlfriend and I broke up for good (and a few years after my mom died). I thought it would be just what I needed -- loud, dumb, and violent -- to help me avoid thinking about the emotional turmoil I was going through, maybe provide an outlet. Man on Fire is loud and violent, yes, but one thing it's not is dumb (and Scott's movies rarely are). In fact, it it's pretty smart, and I found myself relating to the "man on fire" conceit in the theater that night. I saw a little bit of myself in John Creasey (Denzel Washington), a man who'd lost everything and was just sort of adrift in life, drinking his way through life with a burning in his soul. I mean, I was only 20 -- I really thought I had just lost everything.

And I won't lie, I lived like that, like Creasey, for a few years -- drinking, burning, trying to find the bottom in a new city. I eventually did, and, like Creasey, found that the bottom sucks pretty bad, as well as the means to pull myself up again. While I didn't save Dakota Fanning, or have sex with Radha Mitchell in a deleted scene (damn she's fine in that movie), I did finish grad school and eventually become a teacher. I've even shown Man on Fire in a class or two and gotten my students to see beyond the loud and violent parts and see it for the smart movie it really is.

And that's the thing about Tony Scott movies, and why he'll be missed so much as a director -- there was always more to his movies than just gun fights or explosions. You can't say the same for most Hollywood directors (especially not Michael Bay, whom I still love though). His movies had heart -- and I won't pretend mine didn't hurt a little on Sunday night when I first heard the news, and then later on the drive home when all those memories coalesced in my mind and I realized exactly why this celebrity death had me reeling.

Celebrities die all the time, and there's never any shortage of Facebook updates, Tweets, even blog posts when they do. I usually find these "tributes" trite at best, and narcissistic at worst. But sometimes someone whom you've never even met dies, and only then do you realize that they've made an impact on your life. That's what happened on Sunday, and it's taken me until now to put it into the right words. So, Tony, thanks for the movies, the memories, and the indelible connection the two will always have in the auditorium of my mind. Sad to think there will never be more. I hope you're partying with Heath.

2012... So Far

We're a little past the halfway mark of 2012, and that much closer to the end of the world. So, just in case I don't get to do my usual year end listmania, I figured I'd give y'all the lowdown on my favorite pop culture of 2012 so far (as well as look forward to what I'm... looking forward to). Here goes...

Books:
My reading pace has slowed considerably since I started teaching, so I haven't read as much as I'd like. Here's what I've knocked out so far (roughly in order).

Saturday - Ian McEwan (started in 2011)
1Q84 - Haruki Murakami
The Hunger Games - Suzanne Collins
Preludes & Nocturnes - Neil Gaiman (Vol. 1 of The Sandman)
Shakespeare: The World's a Stage - Bill Bryson
You Don't Love Me Yet - Jonathan Lethem
Of Mice and Men - John Steinbeck
Preacher - Garth Ennis (bulk of the series)

Comments:
Saturday was gripping, but no Atonement ... I know it has its detractors, but I think 1Q84 is just stunning. So many threads and it *almost* came together perfectly. Just be prepared for a prolonged Act III stall ... The Hunger Games is the most overrated pop culture phenomenon since The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo (which is far better, both book and movies). The book reads like an outline for a longer, better book ... Issue 6 of The Sandman -- 24 Hours -- is the single greatest comic book I've ever read ... Bryson is effortlessly readable on just about any subject ... You Don't Love Me Yet is minor Lethem -- there are a few great passages though ... Of Mice and Men: never read before, but wow ... Preacher is flawed, but fun.

Looking Forward To:
Honestly, with four fall classes, I doubt I'm going to get much reading done. I'll mostly be focused on my Banned Books class. Here's the reading list I assigned:

Fahrenheit 451 - Ray Bradbury
The Hunger Games - Suzanne Collins
Preludes & Nocturnes - Neil Gaiman (Vol. 1 of The Sandman)
The Language Police - Diane Ravitch (currently reading)
Of Mice and Men - John Steinbeck
Slaughterhouse-Five - Kurt Vonnegut

Music:
It's actually been a pretty strong year for music. I had to cull this list down from about 20 albums.

10. Bear Creek - Brandi Carlile
9. Women & Work - Lucero
8. Arrow - Heartless Bastards
7. Celebration Rock - Japandroids
6. Channel Orange - Frank Ocean
5. Comet - The Bouncing Souls
4. Handwritten - The Gaslight Anthem
3. Rize of the Fenix - Tenacious D
2. Gossamer - Passion Pit
1. Synthetica - Metric

Comments:
Carlile's record blends dirges and ditties, all held together by her haunting voice ... A disappointing Lucero record barely hangs onto a top 10 spot ... Heartless Bastards do their best Led Zeppelin III, which is pretty darn good ... Japandroid's album is aptly named -- whoa-oh-ohs over a big slab of rock 'n' roll ... Frank Ocean could easily rise a spot or three before the year is out ... The new Souls record is lean and mean -- and also, typically, a damn good time ... Although a bit samey, Handwritten has all the care and craftsmanship the name implies ... I was as surprised as you are, but the new D record ROCKS ... Passion Pit has obviously never heard of a sophomore slump (which I was more than half expecting) ... Good luck to ALL OF MUSIC in dethroning Metric -- a perfect sequel to Fantasies, one of my favorites of the last decade.

Songs:
Here's a playlist of my favorite jams from 2012 so far. Maybe I'll find some time to put it on Spotify or something. Maybe. (Roughly in order of release date -- also fits onto a CDR... handy!)


"Cut You" - Cloud Nothings
"Skin and Bone" - Heartless Bastards
"Paddling Out" - Miike Snow
"Closer Than This" - St. Lucia
"Take the Heartland" - Glen Hansard
"Like Lightning" - Lucero
"Lost & Found" - Eve 6
"Roadie" - Tenacious D
"The House that Heaven Built" - Japandroids
"45" - Gaslight Anthem
"Take a Walk" - Passion Pit
"Yesterday (Circa Summer '80 Something)" - Cory Branan
"Friends of Friends" - Hospitality
"Rise Again" - Brandi Carlile
"Dead" - Jukebox the Ghost
"In Sleep" - The Bouncing Souls
"Flowers in Your Hair" - The Lumineers
"Timelines" - Motion City Soundtrack
"Breathing Underwater" - Metric
"Sweet Life" - Frank Ocean

Looking Forward To:
Infinity Overhead - Minus the Bear
Coexist - The xx
The Sound of the Life of the Mind - Ben Folds Five
New Kanye/Jay-Z/GOOD Music/whatever
Lightning - Matt and Kim
New Tegan and Sara

Movies:
It's been a pretty good year for pretty good movies. There have been a lot of strong genre entries, but no real memorable Films (capitalization intentional), at least that I've seen (which is not a ton). We'll see what Oscar season brings.

10. Haywire
9. Savages
8. Moonrise Kingdom
7. Magic Mike
6. The Dark Knight Rises
5. Prometheus
4. 21 Jump Street
3. The Avengers
2. The Cabin in the Woods
1. The Grey

Comments:
Haywire has all of Soderbergh's style, and very little of his usual substance (which sounds like a jizz joke) ... Savages is an orgy of style and just enough substance, flawed ending aside ... Wes Anderson is a one-trick pony -- but it's a pretty good trick ... Remember the thing about substance? Magic Mike has it (rimshot), and style to boot ... [avoiding Aurora joke] Rises is the weakest of the trilogy, but still damn good ... Prometheus is probably the most polarizing film of the year so far -- I admire it for its ambition and wonder what could have been without the obvious flaws ... 21 Jump Street is perhaps the funniest mainstream comedy of the last 5 years ... The Avengers -- comic-book spectacle done right ... My husband's bulge for Cabin in the Woods hasn't gone away yet ... Totally not kidding, The Grey is the best movie of the year so far -- who knew Joe Carnahan could pull off an existentialist thriller? Also, NEESON FIGHTS WOLVES.

Looking Forward To:
The Master
Looper
Cloud Atlas
Silent Hill: Revelation
The Man with the Iron Fists
Skyfall
The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey
Djando Unchained

Lots of good stuff to look forward to until the end of the year... whether it's December 21 or 31. Let's just put it this way -- if I don't get to see Django Unchained because of some stupid Mayan Calendar, I'm going to be pissed. Maybe I should find a sneak preview just to cover my bases. Anyway, hopefully I'll be able to check in with a movie review or random babbling here and there before the end of the year lists. Until then...

Review: Lockout

Lockout (2012)
Directed by: James Mather and Stephen St. Leger
Written by: Luc Besson, Mather, St. Leger
Starring: Guy Pearce, Maggie Grace, Peter Stormare, Lennie James

Lockout is exactly the kind of high-concept ridiculousness that we've come to expect from French action maestro (fun with languages!) Luc Besson: It's the year 2079, the United States is still a thing, and the President's daughter is being held hostage aboard a... wait for it... prison... in SPACE! And here we have the film's first (and perhaps most fatal) flaw (and there are many): the title. Why not just call the thing SPACE PRISON (caps necessary) and be done with it? Lockout implies a dark and gritty film (this is neither); SPACE PRISON implies ludicrous fun (which this definitely is). In terms of Besson, this is more Fifth Element than Léon.

In the Bruce Willis role this time around is Guy "Not Val Kilmer" Pearce. His character -- Snow (yup) -- amalgamates Willis' hard-luck loutishness and Brad Pitt's rakish 2nd-best, with just a pinch of Snake Plissken thrown in. Snow is the guy tasked with saving the aforementioned First Daughter (there's also something about a briefcase -- possibly the laziest MacGuffin in cinema history). Thankfully, he has quite a bit of fun with the cliched "only man for the job" role -- Snow flits from frying pan to (SPACE!) fire with the kind of maniacal glee that Besson (cowriter and producer here) usually saves for his villains. He takes the buckshot approach to one-liners, and a good number of them hit. He also establishes an easy rapport with co-star Maggie Grace (not terrible, which is the equivalent of Oscar-worthy considering the caliber of supporting talent) and generally does his best to elevate obviously weak material.

Shoehorned into the usual Gary Oldman villain role is a strangely restrained Peter Stormare. If there was ever a movie to unleash Stormare's Oldman-esque psychopathy (does anyone else remember his performance in an otherwise-awful The Brothers Grimm?) SPACE PRISON (er, Lockout) is it. Instead, he is confined to a role that's more Commissioner Gordon than Zorg as the somewhat shady head of the Secret Service. He meanders from scene to expository scene, rarely even so much as emoting or changing the tone of his voice. "That Guy" All-Star Lennie James is serviceable as Snow's confidante, and the two blokes who play the film's (randomly) Scottish (or Irish?) villains seem to be having a good time, but but didn't seem to get the memo that this wasn't a direct-to-DVD job.

Worse still are the rogue's gallery of stiffs that play the bit parts -- random prisoners, scientists, Secret Service agents, even the role of the President himself (one of the worst moments of acting I can ever recall seeing is when the President finds out his daughter is being held hostage -- the movie might be worth seeing just for that little chestnut). I know the film only had a $20 million budget and was filmed in Serbia, but come on. The budget deficiencies are even more apparent in the CGI (not even worth talking about, although you have to commend the effects editors for doing all they could with Microsoft Paint -- an early motorcycle chase scene stands out as especially cheesy).

Speaking of budgets, whoever built the space prison clearly cut corners (let's just say it clearly wasn't Japanese or German). Radiation leaks inconveniently pop up to thwart our heroes, guns are easily snuck past security checkpoints, there is a minor problem with its orbit may or may not send the whole thing crashing into the Eastern Seaboard, and, oh yeah, THERE IS A BUTTON THAT RELEASES EVERY SINGLE PRISONER AT THE SAME TIME. Why would anyone design that button, ever? (The far superior The Cabin in the Woods suffers from a similar... wait, the exact same, issue, so even supposed "smart" filmmakers like Joss Whedon are not immune from moronic movie tropes).

In short, Lockout (aka SPACE PRISON) is a profoundly stupid movie (wait until you see how Snow and the First Daughter escape said space prison), but not one without its charms, and one that I will definitely be buying on DVD (but only as soon as the local used record store has it for, say, five or six bucks, tops). This is not one of Besson's finer efforts -- some blame can definitely be placed on the writing, but much of it lies in the microscopic budget (and I'm assuming a good chunk of it went toward whiskey for Stormare) and uneven directing -- this is Mather and St. Leger's debut feature. While much of the entertainment value in Lockout may be unintentional, you could do much worse on a lazy Friday night with a six-pack of beer.

Rating: **1/2 (out of five)

Review: 21 Jump Street

21 Jump Street (2012)
Directed by: Phil Lord and Chris Miller
Written by: Michael Bacall
Starring: Jonah Hill, Channing Tatum, Ice Cube, Brie Larson, Rob Riggle

Early on in this "adaptation" of the late-80s cop show 21 Jump Street, the Metropolitan City police chief makes sure to mention the inherent hackery of "reviving" old ideas. This sort of meta-"wink, wink" -- both the name of the city and the tacit admission of guilt by the filmmakers (Lord and Miller, of Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs fame) -- is exactly what sets this version of 21 Jump Street apart from most hackneyed adaptations... and indeed most mainstream comedies of today. I certainly wouldn't have thought it going in, but 21 Jump Street is a whip-smart laugh-fest that isn't afraid to kick you in the balls, even as it winks knowingly.

It doesn't take 21 Jump Street long to start turning expectations on their head (all the better to to do the presumed beer bong). After the obligatory chunk of backstory and the training montage, the nerdy Schmidt (Hill) and ex-jock Jenko (Tatum), through a series of moronic events, wind up at 21 Jump Street, the headquarters for the whole "cops undercover in high school" unit that is the crux of the TV show and the reason for this adaptation. A (telegraphed) mix-up in the principal's office leads to their identities being switched. Suddenly, it is Schmidt who has to fit in with the popular kids, while Jenko is relegated to nerd duty.

Only it turns out that both of them are more suited to the task than they'd have thought -- which is where the movie really gets interesting. Nowadays, to Jenko's chagrin, the popular kids are multiracial (and sexual), tolerant, vegan, drama kids. In short: nerds. Gone are the traditional letterman jacket-adorned beefcake bullies. Schmidt, who wound up on the wrong end of that equation too many times in high school (usually, it is intimated, at the hands of Jenko), is overjoyed at the chance to be popular, while Jenko, now the outcast, is forced to bond with the science nerds (who are still outcasts here -- some things never change). This puts the now-buddy-buddy Schmidt and Jenko's partnership to the test as they try to get to the bottom (well, top) of a high school drug ring.

But before you can really say, "Hey, that's clever!" the movie begins an almost wearying (in a good way) assault of gross-out and physical comedy. With talent like Hill, Riggle, and bit player Chris Parnell, it is only to be expected. The movie's first (of many) truly gut-busting moments is when the duo are forced to try the new designer drug they are supposed to be investigating. The resulting trip takes them on a (magical mystery) tour of all the school cliques -- drama, band, track, science, etc., with the filmmakers mining as much humor out of the identity switch as they can. All the high school movie clichés are utilized as the movie progresses -- boy meets girl, a house party (another highlight), and, of course, prom -- but the distance provided by the main conceit allows for a fresh perspective, saving the film from the sand trap of worn out tropes.

The movie also riffs on the buddy cop genre -- jokes abound about car chases, explosions, and shootouts, while Ice Cube is a walking, yelling, self-aware stock character as the duo's angry black Captain (it's also great to see him out of the dreaded Murphy Territory). Viewers with a keen eye will also be rewarded with a variety of gags about the generic-ness of the setting (see the Metropolitan City mention above), as well as a number of references to the original series (aside from the one obvious one). All in all, this is a much more intelligent adaptation than the franchise probably deserves -- Hill (who co-wrote the story), Bacall, Lord, and Miller clearly put a lot of care into this. What could have been a one-note parody or dumb action-comedy is instead a slick, clever, self-aware nugget of pop culture gold. It leaves me wishing more filmmakers would give this sort of treatment to the rip-offs and hack-jobs Hollywood seems intent on shoving down our throats. Fortunately (although it is probably just a final poke at movie tropes), a sequel is hinted at just before the credits. If it's real, I'd be the first one in line for 21 Jump Street: The College Years.

Rating: ****1/2 (out of five)

Review: Rampart

Rampart (2011)
Directed by: Oren Moverman
Written by: James Ellroy and James Ellroy
Starring: Woody Harrelson, Ice Cube, Sigourney Weaver, Steve Buscemi

Rampart marks Woody Harrelson's second collaboration with writer/director Oren Moverman, after 2009's The Messenger. The first go-round resulted in Oscar nominations for both (Supporting Actor for Harrelson, Original Screenplay for Moverman). This time, Harrelson and Moverman change uniforms -- instead of the Army, they explore the 1990s LAPD corruption scandal (with the help of L.A. milieu king James Ellroy, cowriter). While Rampart is not as successful -- it is a more uneven, less affecting ride as a whole -- it is also a vehicle for what is possibly Harrelson's finest performance to date. As LAPD (and Vietnam) veteran "Date Rape" Dave Brown, Harrelson is coolly evil, a self-aware sociopath in navy and Aviators.

Appearing in every scene -- indeed, nearly every frame -- Harrelson needs to be magnetic, and is. There is a certain manic glee to his performance, even as he spouts racist and misogynist vitriol -- Harrelson's irrepressible charm tempers Brown's acute misanthropy. There is also a certain frightening intelligence to Brown -- some of the film's most harrowing scenes don't take place in dark Los Angeles alleys or seedy sex clubs (although the film does go both places), but in LAPD conference rooms. Brown drops SAT words and legal jargon just as easily -- and just as convincingly -- as he does four-letter words and epithets. The scariest thing about Dave Brown -- and all cops, really, as the generic name seems to suggest -- is that he knows he can get away with anything if he hides behind the right precedent or procedure.

And Brown gets away with a lot. All the corrupt cop clichés are here -- drinking on the job, doing drugs, beating down (and worse) anyone unfortunate enough to get in his way. This might have well been called Bad Lieutenant: Los Angeles. No, Rampart does not break any new ground in the corrupt cop genre, but it walks a fine line that not many other entries in the genre have. Rampart neither completely demonizes nor completely humanizes Dave Brown. The film neither endorses nor condemns him. He uses his back story about killing a serial date rapist to get laid at a bar. He guns down a robbery victim only to give some of the money to the robber (before taking the rest for himself). Dave Brown may be a violent, racist sociopath, yes, but he's a violent, racist sociopath with a heart of... well, let's just say he has a heart. Probably.

This is evidenced by the scenes with his family. As an example of the film's unevenness, Brown lives with his two ex-wives, as well as one daughter from each -- one a nascent teenage lesbian, the other not yet old enough to hate him. The pseudo-polygamy is never explained, nor does it seem particularly important. Regardless, Harrelson gives Brown something approaching vulnerability when around his family. When soundly harangued by the younger of his ex-wives, he walks away, wordlessly and expressionlessly, but obviously devastated. You almost feel sorry for him until you remember everything she said was true. A later scene with his daughters is equally heartbreaking -- not for Brown, but for the daughter that finally realizes she should -- and does -- hate her father. And the father knows it. With such a wide range of emotional tones, Dave Brown is a meaty part, and Harrelson sets into it with fervor.

Rampart is basically a one-man show, and good thing, because most of the supporting performances fall flat. Cynthia Nixon and Anne Heche are one-note shrews as Brown's exes, a ragged-looking Robin Wright never seems to fit into the bigger picture as a lawyer who sleeps with Brown, Steve Buscemi is wasted as an LAPD bureaucrat, and Ice Cube is rote as the Internal Affairs officer on Brown's tail (who curiously doesn't show up until the third act). Better are Brie Larson as Brown's conflicted older daughter and Sigourney Weaver, who holds her own going tête-à-tête with Brown, as his superior. Messenger star Ben Foster makes a cameo appearance as a mentally disturbed vet/vagrant as well. All are just butterflies in Brown's hurricane, however.

Nevertheless, Harrelson's performance is strong enough to elevate some of the more trying scenes to respectability. Where the film is at its weakest is in its technical aspects. While Ellroy's script is explosive and moving at times, Moverman's direction fails to reign in its tendencies to spiral into arbitrary tangents (the dueling ex-wives, the sex club) and lurching to uninteresting places (Ned Beatty's doddering gangster and pal of Brown's father). Cinematographer Bobby Bukowski's L.A. is washed out and lifeless (this ain't Michael Mann's L.A.), and the camera moves when it should stay and stays when it should move far too often. There was a time when Harrelson was tabbed as a dark horse Best Actor nominee (interesting that the fifth nomination went to another performance from an L.A. movie -- Demián Bichir in A Better Life). He obviously didn't get the nomination, although you can easily make the case that the blame lies elsewhere. This is Harrelson's show, yes, but he doesn't have a whole lot of help.

Rating: ***1/2 (out of five)

Oscars 2012: The Best of the Rest

BEST CINEMATOGRAPHY
The Tree of Life - Emmanuel Lubezki
You don't have to like the movie to appreciate the beauty of its photography -- a true achievement. The Artist and Hugo are contenders here as well. 
BEST EDITING 
The Artist - Anne-Sophia Bion, Michel Hazanavicius
I'd go for Hugo or Dragon Tattoo, but Artist won the A.C.E. award. Can't imagine the Academy would disagree, especially as they've matched up for at least the last 5 years. 
BEST ART DIRECTION 
Hugo - Dante Ferretti, Francesca Lo Schiavo
Seems to be the most likely film to make voters aware that art direction is a thing. It had some truly gorgeous sets (ditto Midnight in Paris). Beware the ever-present Artist love. 
BEST COSTUME DESIGN 
Hugo - Sandy Powell
If Colleen Atwood isn't nominated, go with Sandy Powell. #OscarNerdProTip 
BEST MAKEUP 
The Iron Lady - Mark Coulier, J. Roy Helland
*Edit* Changing it to The Iron Lady, based on consensus. Whatever, don't really care, both it and Nobbs were pretty blah. Zzzzzzzzzs. 
BEST SCORE
The Artist - Ludovic Bource
Lock it in. Easiest call of the night.
BEST ORIGINAL SONG
The Muppets - Bret McKenzie, "Man or Muppet"
Um, did anyone see Rio? I played the shit out of Angry Birds Rio, that's all I know.
BEST SOUND MIXING
War Horse - Gary Rydstrom, Andy Nelson, Tom Johnson, Stuart Wilson
Because war films always do well here. And who doesn't love horses?
BEST SOUND EDITING
Drive - Lon Bender, Victor Ray Ennis
Because of pure obstinance. And because the foley was noticeably good.
BEST VISUAL EFFECTS
Hugo - Robert Legato, Joss Williams, Ben Grossman, Alex Henning
Hugo had some of the best 3D yet. (Although I thought Transformers was actually really good as well.) Planet of the Apes: James Franco Edition could be a triumph for the mo-cap crowd though.
BEST ANIMATED FILM
Rango - Gore Verbinski
Haven't seen it yet (I *might* be able to get to it before the ceremony -- thanks, Netflix!), hear it's great. I actually quite enjoyed Kung Fu Panda 2. Fuck anything Shrek-related. WTF are the other two.
BEST FOREIGN LANGUAGE FILM
A Separation - Asghar Farhadi (Iran)
Saw it, thought it was excellent. It certainly seems to be the critical favorite (but critics don't vote). One of the others is apparently a Holocaust movie though, so watch out.
BEST DOCUMENTARY
Paradise Lost 3: Purgatory - Joe Berlinger, Bruce Sinofsky
Celebrities seem to love those West Memphis Three kids. Let's go with that one.
BEST DOCUMENTARY, SHORT SUBJECTS
Saving Face - Daniel Junge, Sharmeen Obaid-Chinoy
Because I literally just looked up a few predictions and a lot of them said this one. Maybe another crazy lady will try to hijack the acceptance speech again.
BEST ANIMATED SHORT
A Morning Stroll - Grant Orchard, Sue Goffe
Seen all these and I'm going against my gut here. The flying books one (The Fantastic Flying Books...) seemed to be the most Oscar-y of the bunch, but I picked against my favorite under similar circumstances last year and was wrong, so I'm hoping for a repeat. Plus, this one has a zombie.
BEST LIVE ACTION SHORT
Raju - Max Zähle, Stefan Gieren
The rest are more light-hearted, so it'll stand out more in the minds of the voters. Probably.

Extremely Blah and Incredibly Silent: Oscar Predictions

Well, I finally did it -- I managed to see all the major category-nominated films. I make it my mission every year, and this is the year I finally did it. If it's nominated for Picture, Director, Screenplay, or any Acting awards, I've seen it. Unfortunately, it felt more like homework this year than any other I can remember -- 2011 was really a bummer of a year for Films. Note the capitalization. While there were a number of excellent genre efforts -- Drive, Contagion, The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, Fast Five (seriously), etc. -- there just wasn't much in the "prestige picture" category. The best of the bunch, by my estimation -- Hugo and Midnight in Paris -- were clearly second-tier efforts by their (first class) directors. Enjoyable, yes, but essential? No. The Academy had a number of chances to nominate some genuinely interesting films -- Take Shelter or Melancholia, for example -- but passed in favor of nostalgia (some call it narcissism -- and no, I don't count The Tree of Life as "interesting"). Sigh. Surely this will prove to be a year to forget -- as seemingly all the major contenders have done, as most are set in -- or look back on -- previous years or eras (or, you know, prominently feature fucking DINOSAURS). Anyway, I have a feeling that this rant isn't anywhere near over, so let's just get on with the predictions. Read on if you dare. My picks are in bold (as if there would be any other reason for bolding one but not the others).

Best Performance by an Actress in a Supporting Role:
Bérénice Bejo - The Arist
Jessica Chastain - The Help
Melissa McCarthy - Bridesmaids
Janet McTeer - Albert Nobbs
Octavia Spencer - The Help

I'll eschew the usual paragraph ramble for a much easier 'Fun Facts' format:
Fun Fact about Bérénice Bejo: She was Shannyn Sossamon's handmaid in A Knight's Tale, which is one of my favorite movies. Bonus: To type the 'é' character, hit Ctrl + Alt + 0233 on your keyboard.
Fun Fact about Jessica Chastain: She was better in both Take Shelter and The Tree of Life last year.
Fun Fact about Melissa McCarthy: She could very well win this thing. (Neither fun nor factual, I know.)
Fun Fact about Janet McTeer: She has really big boobs, which she displays in Nobbs.
Fun Fact about Octavia Spencer: She will probably win this thing. Feces figures prominently in both hers and McCarthy's performaces. Interesting.

Best Performance by an Actor in a Supporting Role:
Kenneth Branagh - My Week with Marilyn
Jonah Hill - Moneyball
Nick Nolte - Warrior
Christopher Plummer - Beginners
Max von Sydow - Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close

This one figures to be a lock. You can tell by the fact that I italicized "figures" that it's not quite a lock (and there I go with the italicizing again). Branagh can be dismissed as a "tip of the cap to the veteran" nomination, Hill can be dismissed because he was -- sorry, but not really -- not that great, and Nolte, while certainly deserving (just saw Warrior a couple nights ago and DAMN was it great) and old, he can't quite touch the dueling octogenarians, von Sydow and Plummer. Von Sydow, a contender, make no mistake, was clearly the best part of a flawed, flawed film, and gets extra points for being in The Seventh Seal, but Plummer has simply won too many precursors for him not to take home the statue (plus von Sydow stole Albert Brooks' nomination for Drive... grr). Plummer was revelatory in one of the year's best -- and most underrated -- films, and will give Billy Crystal reason to make a Viagra joke. Veterans getting their due and boner jokes are two of my favorite things, so let's hear it for Plummer (who was, by the way, awesome in, and not nominated for, The Insider back in 1999).

Best Performance by an Actress in a Leading Role:
Glenn Close - Albert Nobbs
Viola Davis - The Help
Rooney Mara - The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo
Meryl Streep - The Iron Lady
Michelle Williams - My Week with Marilyn

This is a touchy category. Everyone seems to be in a tizzy (which actually sounds kind of fun) about the fact that Davis played A MAID. People (and by that I mean less than reputable journalists and bloggers) are crying "Racism!" and "Typecasting!" Whatever. She was the emotional pillar of an otherwise forgettable (and surely exploitative) "message" drama. She treated The Help like it was the heavyweight drama it could've been, not the lightweight Oprah episode it turned out to be (which is a good thing, if that wasn't clear). I think her closest competition is Close, what with all the makeup and genderbending and whatnot (and who could be a tempting choice for some voters). Streep misses out because a) Her film was an absolute snoozefest and, b) She so clearly undershot her own talent, doing an impression rather than acting for most of the film. Mara was great but has to wait her turn (in the parlance of awards season). Finally, Williams was wasted in an absolute trifle of a film. One of my least favorite movies of the year. I wanted to punch the lead in his smug face the entire time. Anyway, it would be a sizable upset if Davis didn't win.

Best Performance by an Actor in a Leading Role:
Demáin Bichir - A Better Life
George Clooney - The Descendants
Jean Dujardin - The Artist
Gary Oldman - Tinker Tailor Solider Spy
Brad Pitt - Moneyball

I'll start with this:  The two best performances of the lot were Bichir's and Oldman's. But, because of their subtly, they have no shot. I'm a bit surprised to see two such finely-tuned performances nominated, actually. Normally, a more "showy" performance, like Michael Fassbender's (literally) would have made the cut (not that I'd have had any problem with that, as he was *very* good -- also, circumcision joke). But good on the Academy for nominating the world-weary Bichir and the restrained (for a change) Oldman. Moving on, there is some general competition here for the first time since 2008 (when Sean Penn wrongfully beat out Mickey Rourke). It's tough to choose between the distinguished triumvirate of Clooney, Dujardin, and Pitt. All have their pros and cons. Clooney has been raking in precursors, but his performance relies on the twin crutches of voiceover and wife-in-a-coma; Dujardin is the lead in the presumed Best Picture winner, but may have been upstaged by a Jack Russell Terrier; and Pitt was charming as always, but can a baseball movie win such a big award? I say no (although he'd get my vote). Between Clooney and Dujardin, I think the Academy will go with the Cloon-dogg because of his celebrity and the fact that the film might not win much else but voters will want to reward it where they can. The Artist will get its trophies. A Dujardin win is *very much* a possibility though...

Best Writing, Screenplay Based on Material Previously Produced or Published:
Alexander Payne, Nat Faxon, Jim Rash - The Descendants
John Logan - Hugo
George Clooney, Grant Heslov, Beau Willmon - The Ides of March
Steven Zaillian, Aaron Sorkin, Stan Chervin - Moneyball
Bridget O'Connor, Peter Straughan - Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy

Another tricksy category. Let's toss out March -- hey, they had to have five nominees (this is hardly Best Original Song), right? Hugo can go as well -- the Academy will surely shower it with technical gold -- it won't win here (also, pretty sure I just made a golden shower joke). I think Tinker's script is a real nocturnal equine though -- what happens if the two top contenders split the vote? Assuming that doesn't happen, it's between Descendants and Moneyball. I'll use the same logic as above -- Moneyball got a lot of nominations (6 of 'em, good for third-most) and figures to get a win somewhere. Plus, there's a lot of star power among those nominees. I thought that while Payne et al.'s script was strong (and, as stated before, it would be awesome to see Dean Pelton give an acceptance speech), it relied too much on voiceover in the first 30 minutes (maybe I've taken too many screenwriting classes). It could go either way, but I'm putting my (hypothetical) money on Moneyball.

Best Writing, Screenplay Written Directly for the Screen:
Michel Hazanavicius - The Artist
Kristen Wiig, Annie Mumulo - Bridesmaids
J.C. Chandor - Margin Call
Woody Allen - Midnight in Paris
Asghar Farhadi - A Separation

This is always my favorite category -- AMPAS takes more chances here than anywhere else. We've got not one but *two* wild cards this year -- Margin Call and A Separation. Both were great -- multi-layered and uncompromising -- but all the old white dudes in the Academy probably won't be voting for scripts that make Wall Street look bad or are written by Middle Easterners. A Bridesmaids win would be a nice story, but the problem is that it's not entirely deserving (of a win, not the nomination). That leaves Hazanavicius and Allen facing off. I'll stick to the formula -- Paris has 4 nominations, and this is probably the best place to give it a win. Plus, you know, it had dialogue and whatnot. Maybe this is just me holding out against what very well could be an Artist sweep, but I don't think it will win as many trophies as most seem to think.

Best Achievement in Directing:
Woody Allen - Midnight in Paris
Michel Hazanavicius - The Artist
Terrence Malick - The Tree of Life
Alexander Payne - The Descendants
Martin Scorsese - Hugo

Here's where the Artist love starts (or, rather, where it will begin to crest toward the end of the broadcast). I think (well, hope) it misses out on some of the other awards it's projected to win, but winds up taking the top two prizes. I just don't see it for any of the other nominees. Payne's the "Hi, happy to (finally) be here" guy. Allen is the "Screenplay is enough" guy. Malick is the "My 'art' does not need your validation" guy. And Scorsese is the "I'd be an honor, but..." guy. As in, but... it's clearly The Artist's year. Hazanavicius certainly deserves some recognition for the gumption to make a contemporary silent movie (especially interesting is that it comes on the heels of a movie about talking -- The King's Speech -- and a movie with a *lot* of talking -- The Social Network). I'm actually fine with him winning -- I just can't get that excited about the other nominees. A Scorsese win for his foray into 3D and kid's movies would be a delightful surprise, but I won't be able to muster anything but mild disappointment if/when he loses. About the only nominee that'd get a reaction out of me (other than surprise for Allen or Payne) would be Malick. I didn't like the film, to be sure, but it would certainly be deserving for the scale and visual supremacy of his direction, and a welcome "change of pace" nod form the Academy. But... it's gonna be Hazanavicius.

Best Motion Picture of the Year:
The Artist 
The Descendants
Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close 
Hugo
Midnight in Paris 
The Help
Moneyball
War Horse
The Tree of Life

A few things:  The Artist is going to win. I didn't think the film was all that great. I can't even bring myself to get that mad about it (a stark contrast to last year). There's just not a lot to get excited about here. The Help and Extremely Loud are both melodramatic and exploitative; Moneyball and War Horse are less than the sum of their parts; Tree of Life is an artistic triumph and a narrative disaster; Descendants is long on both charm and contrivance (and really isn't all that memorable); Hugo and Midnight are fine films and my two favorites of the bunch, but... eh, I just can't champion them with any sort of fervor (now if Drive was nominated... but it was never going to be). This AV Club column put it best: "The Oscars—and to varying degrees, all awards—are not about greatness, but about consensus. And The Artist is a point of agreement." It might not be the objective Best film of the year (whatever that means anyway), but it's the one about which the most people could say, "Yeah, that was pretty good." In a year like this, if that's the best we can do, I'll take it. And The Artist is. Pretty good, that is. That's all it is, and all it'll ever be, trophy or not.

Okay, so that wasn't as bitter as I was expecting. And only three Drive references! I'm proud. Anyway, the rest of the categories are up next (minus the rant). Thanks for reading.